Only flawless, pure, absolute love I have encountered,
is the emotions I own.
Untainted love for my two daughters, I carried inside of me.
From the moment I heard their righteous heartbeats,
I knew this love was rare, everlasting, perfection.
All the love I’ve held in my lifetime,
mourning the losses of family and friends,
pale in comparison to the unconditional feelings for my children.
Lost my grandparents that raised me, the mother and father I had.
Remember the pain of losing my grandfather and four months afterward fate would deal out another devastating hand, my aunt would pass.
Before my grandmother’s passing, I recall a conversation.
She said to me, “The anguish I felt at losing the only man I ever loved, married when I was but a child, was more than I thought I could bear. But to lose a child, my child, this is a torture and torment that no mother should ever have to endure in their lifetime.”
I cradled her then wanting all of her sadness to become mine alone.
Now I understand her grieving.
Above all, nothing in life prepares us for being a parent.
After all the happiness, joys, sadness, disappointments, tears, smiles, anger, and all these moments of mental changes that are attached with being a mother, every second is worth it.
In the midst of this crazy life, my mistakes, and the ones to follow,
the only hopes I have is that my girls grow to be loving, independent,
with values, dreams, aspirations, and ambition.
When life fills them with fear, hurt, rejection, I want them to remember there is peace to be found.
Hope a smile will play on their face at the songs I sang out of key to them, the butterfly kisses, the books I read, the braids I put in their hair, tucking them in, teaching them bedtime prayers, sprinkling ‘sleep dust’ on them.
May they always know they were a blessing to me, that I’m not sure I ever deserved but was always thankful for.
@ donetta sifford 3-26-2013