There are moments I have went through that I blush repeatedly and trying not to blush has made it worse. We all have, I guess. As, I have gotten older, less things seem to embarrass me or cause me to redden in the cheeks, which leads to my ears also turning red. That alone is embarrassing. Still at 36 years old, though I don’t quite feel that old, there are things that still make me blush.
1. I’m not inexperienced with sexual relations, not saying I’m experienced either. There will be times in certain movies where the sex scene is so drawn out or last longer than necessary to get the point across they are lovers. I will admit on here, with my man, it doesn’t bother me if we watch a porn. However, with a group of people watching a movie, a prolonged sex scene will cause me to blush, wishing the moment would move on to the next scene and hoping none of my friends see me blushing.
2. Moving along with natural moments, I used to hate buying female items that every woman purchases. I would slowly watch as the items moved down the rolling check out line along with other purchases and the closer it would get to check out, the redder my face would get. I have grown used to the fact that I will purchase several items each month and having two daughters, one getting ready to start middle school, I am aware I will have many more ‘time of the month’ purchases. There are times when I have had to simply run into a store for just the item I need for ‘the curse’. I’ve accepted this to a point. If I’m in a check out line with a woman clerk, the elderly the better, I’m fine. For some reason, singling out this item to purchase and having a young man that looks like he may have just graduated from high school turns my face scarlet.
3. Having someone wait on me at a restaurant to finish eating. I don’t mind eating in front of people. I suppose it’s the fact that they are finished and ready for the bill with me still scarfing down food. Of course, the polite thing to do isn’t to go outside to the car and smoke the cigarette I know they are craving. Though the person seems content, I feel the pressure to finish up or get a take home box.
4. I have also grown accustomed to the fact that everyone’s body is going to make noises at inappropriate times, such as those sexual encounters. Having a partner to kind of laugh about it helps. These moments don’t bother me. It’s noises that every human encounters but there are some friends that can turn my face blood red in public or even in a small group of friends. For some reason, I cannot stand the fact that someone ‘passes gas’ loudly and proudly. I also dislike someone burping loudly. I don’t argue that I never burp or have moments of not so girly gas. However, I do cover my mouth and have in fact went to a restroom to keep from these moments in front of people. I have had friends burp in public, female especially, that not only is it a tad embarrassing, I feel the need to tell the female to act a little more lady like……….even if the F word and others are streaming from my mouth.
5. This one popped in my head and will probably make me seem shallow. I am not a genius or an English major. I do try to keep my world on blogs and poetry separate from my world on facebook. It’s the social media. A lot of the people I do know on facebook, some I don’t and are merely there over one game or another, and some are from my laziness in deleting friends I have had since opening an account in 2010 and accepting friend request was a huge deal to me. I mostly play games, post songs, a few occasional quotes I like and hardly anything personal. I have associates that I do know in person and for some reason I don’t want to delete them out of shear rudeness but a few will comment on anything I write and the comments are frankly stupid. Then I have the ones that tag me in post or write on my wall and I cringe. I guess, I do feel that embarrassment color because sometimes whom we talk to is a reflection of ourselves. At one time I had someone listed as ‘mother’ though my family have all passed away, such as grandparents and mother and father. She at the very least, would be considered my boyfriend’s step mother. To log on facebook and see on my page: Why didn’t the kids come over and eat? was just embarrassing. I do have a cell phone. Okay, moving on.
6. Having children has taught me to deal with a lot of awkward moments, smells, sounds, and things of any nature. It never crossed my mind that my baby crying in her carrier in Wal-mart would be such a pitiful sound and strangers would crowd around to make her smile would one day be old enough to want to make her own popcorn in the microwave, tie her shoes, pick out her clothes, and then get in the middle of a store and throw a fit as if I’m beating her. My oldest daughter went through a stage. My youngest, still has moments when she is either bored or can sense that I myself am growing impatient, and that’s when the whining, trying to pull away from me, bumping into strangers, and I have even had her half trying to fall to the floor as I’m holding her hand. To say these moments are times I blush is an understatement. I have been so embarrassed that I have exited a store with items not purchased just to get away from people staring.
7. As with the public embarrassment of throwing fits, I have also several occasions, had to feel heat rising in my cheeks when I have company or am on the phone and my girls choose this time to not listen. Especially, since I was raised by my grandparents and the concept of not listening or being rude while my grandmother was talking to another adult or on the phone, maybe crossed my mind once or twice. After being whipped, a stern look was enough to put me in my place. My girls can seem to be content and happily playing and forgetting they have a mother until a friend comes by or they hear me talking on the phone. At these times, my angels decides to sprout horns and begin fighting or playing, either one very loudly. Interruption is like a mission for them as though I starve them from attention. I long for the time when they see I am on the phone or speaking to a friend, and unless the other has chopped a limb off, they don’t intrude. Blushing.
8. Most of these seem normal situations that cause people to blush. Then again, I’m not sure if these moments constitute as blushing moments, plain embarrassing moments, or just moments you wish wouldn’t occur but know they will. I do know something else that makes me blush, or maybe it’s just an uncomfortable moment. Either way, I feel awkward when I’m the 3rd wheel or among a friend and their date and they pick a sudden time to; as the saying goes ‘get a room’. A kiss goodbye as we drop someone off or holding hands in the movie theater are okay. I myself don’t dislike public displays of affection. If at every stop light they are gagging off each other’s tongue or can’t seem to sit through the movie without having the other almost nude, it is embarrassing, uncomfortable, a time of blushing. However described, I am not with 16 year old friends, so it’s great to be in lust, but time and place can be everything.
9. A situation that I hoped to outgrow, instead I ended up diagnosed with anxiety attacks, so this problem will not just outgrow it’s self…. being called out in front of a group of people to speak. In school, I would feel my cheeks redden and even feel myself perspiring a bit if I knew I had to read in front of the class, or do a presentation in front of group of people. I grew and learned my reaction is extreme as if I’m suffocating and my heart may explode. Panic attacks aren’t always brought on by this, but this doesn’t help at all. After years of therapy and medications, I can find myself more free to speak up. Then there are still times that even reading a member paper at an N.A meeting is stressful enough to make me blush. Yet, I’m not embarrassed in the least to say I go to N.A. meetings.
10. Other than the normal ‘time of the month’, ‘every human body makes these’ noises, the discomfort at ‘sex scenes prolonged’ and I’m sure ‘every parent at some point feels the breaking point with children’ moment, I can’t think of anything unusual that causes me to blush or feel color come to my cheeks. Maybe the ‘annoying comment person’ on facebook is more about myself than others. I seem to be for the most part, even the anxiety, normal. The only other thing that embarrasses me is a public confrontation. The last one that comes to mind was last summer while vacationing in Pigeon Forge with family/friends. My friend was driving to get gas and wanted to get a new bathing suit. She pulls into the pump, runs in to pay and begins pumping her gas. It was hot outside but she had just had the air conditioner on, so I barely had my window cracked open to allow my cigarette smoke to go outside. At the pump next to her, a man with his family, very angry man, started yelling at me that he had his family with him and was I quote ‘stupid’ enough to smoke at a gas pump. Now, considering she had pulled up to pump her gas at the back side of the car, leaving me far enough away from the actual pumps, I would have had to have gotten out of the vehicle and stepped a few feet at least to be near one, not to mention, I was inside a vehicle with my window cracked using an ashtray. I cracked my window a bit further, already embarrassed but also pissed at the word ‘stupid’, I stated these clear facts to the man. He continued raging, causing my friend embarrassment, and people to stare. The proper way to handle this situation would have been to either put the cigarette out in the ashtray until she was done, or even not spoken back to this lunatic. However after a reference to the state I live in as he seen on the tags, which is VA. and we are in Tennessee, my embarrassment added with anger caused a scene. Not proud of this moment: I did crack my door open and inform the man he had his family with him while I on the other hand knew my children were safely swimming at the hotel with an adult and since I was ignorant and from VA. if he didn’t shut up and stop addressing me, I would flick my cigarette directly at his pump and blow us all up and at such an absurd statement that seemed to calmly come from my mouth, I began to laugh. This did actually shock the yelling moron into shutting his pump off and driving away with a look that made me laugh harder. Now, I could be wrong, but since I wasn’t at the pumps, pumping gas, my window was up, and I was using an ashtray inside the car, I’m not sure how I could have blew us up. Other than the way I pointed out to him. As I said, not a proud moment, nor one I’m too ashamed of, because confronting me in public will lead to me calmly addressing the situation with the most craziest thought that pops into my head. Being bipolar with anxiety, there are many of those thoughts. Thank goodness for my humor.