Search Out Living

Doubtful of my experience
in such crucial moments
What is it you long to hear?
I could dig within my very soul
Produce dozens of ways I’ve tried.
(or thought it up, studied on it)

Pouring roughly 17 pills or so
down my throat at only 12 years old.
Dizziness and dread of selfishness
last a lifetime, but thoughts 
only made me sleepier. 
So, I slept, 4 whole days
only to awaken to long hair
lying clumped around me in charcoal
and vomit.

Scar upon my wrist, jagged.
Too much going through my mind.
Guilt, anger, sadness, and other
emotions that aren’t explained
by words alone.
Tried to navigate myself then
through an unbearable darkness.
Found when light shown
broken glass and memories
chipped about the kitchen floor.

Cell phone in your pocket
holds those contacts for purpose.
Hold onto them when going under.
One true soul that will listen
as you babble story upon story
trying to discover why you hurt so.

Even if you must flatten yourself
on the sinking fabric in an office
formal and stiff, certificates hung.
Speak what’s going on inside.
If it sounds like gibberish to you.
Empty your head of thoughts
black and images of your death.

This is the only way for you,
so a new day can come 
carrying with it a reason
you couldn’t think of.
A reason or two you are here.
Find hope and happiness 
in another chance you allowed.
Then never forget to be thankful.

@ donetta sifford 4-29-2013

A prompt for Poets of G+ about a favorite poem or poet.  This is for my favorite poem ‘Incant Against Suicide’ by my favorite poet, Mary Karr.  The poem can be found in her book Viper Rum. 

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