Insomnia & Friends

i always say as a running joke
between a few good friends, 
“insomnia is my bitch lover 
i cannot break up with!”
most don’t understand
it’s hard to explain really

imagine if you will….. an edginess 
all the time due to anxiety disorder, 
up and down moods with lack of concentration
due to bipolar disorder, this is topped
with obsessive compulsive disorder, then,
sorry men you have no clue, mix all this up
sprinkle in some good ol’ fashion ‘monthly visits’.

then close your eyes for just a second
envision a small room you are in
packed with 200 loud people but
you know this room shouldn’t even 
hold 100 people, you can’t move them.
all of them are screaming at once
you can’t make out what anyone is saying
bits and pieces fly by your ears
your own voice seems like a whisper 
because you have listened to them for 4 days
no, what is today again? 5 days now on 2 hours sleep.
the medication you decide to take helps some
but you know life is stressful. 
things you need to do, gotten done 12 years ago
all going through your head so fast
you lay on your bed, closing your eyes
breathing in and out, just like everyone says
besides you already meditated for hours 
which was almost helping if you could find one,
just one station that understands a piano 
doesn’t go in the river with birds 
it’s on and on and on. yesterday’s not over yet
because you haven’t slept to wake up to a clearer
minded ‘today’. then you feel irritable. 
no wonder the kids are mad at you
you don’t even like you, you’re so tired now
sleep is impossible but so is the dishes
talking, you talk so fast you have been told at age 12
you should be an auctioneer, when you’re from the south
it’s annoying to a lot of people, you get it
but it’s frustrating to hear them say “well, such and such,
talks faster than netta! wanna bet?  you are under too 
much stress. why don’t you try to rest? he isn’t worth this.
why in the world are you thinking about that. we were 9.
have you told your doctor the medicine isn’t helping?
oh. okay, so you are allergic to everything they try.

AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!  word of advice:  friends, i know
you think you are helping, but your advice voices are now 
mixed in with the ones i just said i had, but i don’t, i’m explaining
oh, hell, i am hearing things 
it’s lack of sleep. i know i’m being a huge B word
but, you act as though i go to the doctor and say 
everything is fine and leave, when dear, why would i go
this is just my brain and most days i’m cool with that.
i’m cool with me, cause i had to learn to be but
some days, maybe a week or more, you know i’m going to
be grouchy, so must you really come and tell me i should
try that one vitamin your friend tried and slept like a baby
because not trying to be negative nancy, no it won’t. 
like i can’t just go walking and be happy some days.
i know you were embarrassed when i left you in the store
entire buggy full of groceries, mine, and i just walked out
oh my, don’t say you don’t get anxiety
i’m sleepy now. thanks you are way helpful. xo

@ donetta sifford 6-4-2013


5 responses

  1. ha. isnt it funny how everyone has an idea on how to fix your problems…and they dont listen to anything you say..ha….

  2. Thank you all for reading this. This would be a sleepless period where I feel I was babbling away, except in blog style. lol. I have caught up on some sleep now and feel more myself. People who say, “I'll sleep when I'm dead.” never had insomnia. 🙂

  3. Sounds like a very sleepless night, or nights, and a lot of unwelcomed advice to add to the stress. 🙂

  4. Boy do i get you…

  5. I hear ya Donetta, loud and clear. I think insomnia is a variable thing, something a lot of people don't take into consideration, it can be caused by a lot of different things, at different times. I've been going through a long period of insomnia lately and it's been really draining. Last night I tried staying up until after 1, getting REALLY tired before going to bed and I slept a lot better. No one can pick the right time for us to sleep either, can they? ;< ) Here's to blissful sleep and not so much “helpful” advice LOL. thanks again for an intriguing prompt this week!

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