Restraining Time

Rushed, this is how I feel,
When unhurried and laid back 
has become a way of life for me.
Straining against the barely lit room,
with dawn just sneaking in,
I watch in awe and with anxiety,
your beautiful sleeping face.
You are 11 years old today, 
awake or sleeping does not change
that simple fact.
Memory has been good to me.
Recall wanting to go home
as soon as the doctor said,
“So, are you ready to have your baby?”
As if any books I had read, 
vitamins I had taken, preparations 
made at home for your arrival.
Pain tolerance is high for me,
yet, I opted for the epidermal.
Scared is an understatement, but,
the pain wasn’t horrible.
No sooner had they put me in a room,
to get comfortable during birth,
monitors began beeping so loudly and fast.
This part becomes a bit of a blur, 
but, you see, your cord had wrapped around your throat.
Being rushed to have a C-section was terrifying.
Your father, sigh, could not get into his scrubs on time.
I was alone, with exception of doctors and nurses,
whom insisted on putting a mask on my face to breathe.
Anxiety attacks didn’t seem to matter,
they claimed I was causing myself to hyperventilate.
Then it was done, you were beautiful, and healthy.
Dare I say perfect? For months, I disobeyed,
allowing you to sleep on my chest at night,
so I could feel you breathing.  Now, here
you lie, breathing in and out deeply.
Time can fly by in the blink of an eye,
when I long to restrain it somehow.

@ donetta sifford 7-9-2013 

Written for:


12 responses

  1. Thank you Suzanne. It was very stressful, and up until she was crawling and walking, I finally let my breath out about crib death. Only to find myself for her 11 years and my youngest 7 years, holding my breath at every fall, cry, boo boo, friends hurting their feelings and the worrying list goes on from there. I had always heard said that a person doesn't understand worrying until after having a child. I believe that now. However, my girls are worth more than the moon and stars to me and I feel blessed.

  2. That had to be scary. I have had two C-sections, the second one I opted for, because I had already had it done once, and I'm not into the 'natural birth' thing. Also, I was having my tubes tied, so they brought my second daughter to life, and tied, cut, and burnt on each end of my tubes to assure, two children would be exactly how many I gave birth to. lol. I done the same with both. Kept them on my chest, was almost as bad as on Mommy Dearest, going by the cradle and pinching them in their sleep to make sure they were breathing. Or was that Steel Magnolias? lol. I didn't actually pinch them, but if they got moved some, enough to cry, then they needed to be held. 🙂 Now 11 and 7 and I am amazed.

  3. awww, early happy birthday to him. yes it does fly and i can't pinpoint where it goes. 🙂

  4. Thank you. Real life. My oldest daughter turned 11 Tuesday. 🙂

  5. Beautiful. You've perfectly captured the excitement, fears, anxiety and ultimate profound relief of giving birth.

  6. This is just so wonderful. It brought back so many memories of the birth of my three children (two of which were harrowing). Holding the baby on your chest. How could you not? Yes, time will fly, indeed, faster than you can imagine. Lovely piece.

  7. This is such a beautiful journey. I teared up a little bit, because my own first baby- he will be eleven next month. Time does fly.

  8. A beautiful writing.. the love of a mother perfectly done.

  9. This is beautiful. Is it fiction, or based on real-life?

  10. Beautiful! This is such a wonderful piece of writing Donetta! Love the way it starts peacefully, then pulls us through your panic and anxiety, and then ends softly and wistfully. Well done!

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