Connecting with others, people, pets, even nature, opens up so many different ways in which humans aren’t meant to be alone. Companionship, relationships, even being comfortable by yourself; which is far different than feeling lonely, or being alone. So, I have neglected both blogs horribly bad, and I seen this on Considerings. Lizzi is an inspiration to me. To write a post about the topic of CONNECTION leaves a lot of room for nothingness. I suppose I am going to tackle the ways in which my blog allows me to connect to others, social media, and even how neglecting it may have helped me or not.
I would love to say that I’m a published poet, working on a memoir, or a novel of fiction based a lot on my non-fiction life. However, I truly didn’t pursue writing even though since 5th grade, I knew I wanted to be a writer. Reading Judy Blume’s book, “Blubber”, is when I really caught on to how an author’s words can twine reality in with each page of the story. Writing journals throughout English courses in school, and getting a grade to write, to me was heavenly!!! I suppose I allowed life to get in the way, and now I’m ready to tell life hold on a minute.
Why did I neglect my blogs? I have been in a relationship with a man I adored on and off for 15 years. We have lived together on straight for 9 years. I knew over a year ago that the relationship had reached a point where too many harsh words, spiteful actions, and lonely nights outweighed anything healthy in the relationship. It became unhealthy. So, I finally made a decision to leave this situation. I wanted my two daughters to know if a man disrespects you in a relationship in a way that is harmful, physically or mentally, love yourself enough to leave. So, lead by example. It’s been hard. In the process of trying to transition from being a stay at home mom, to needing a job ASAP, has been stressful. My girls’ biological father, who has never been a positive force in their lives, decides he should keep them with him for awhile. Honestly, the nervous breakdown that my bipolar mind needed, the father was in no way trying to help me or his girls. He wanted them out of state with him for reasons that I won’t go into other than to say he is being vindictive toward his soon to be ex-wife, and not realizing he’s hurting my girls, and ;his son he has with his wife.
In the process of all this, and just life, I decided I didn’t and couldn’t function. Bipolar disorder is no picnic, throw in a lot of stress, and you get a nice plate of feeling hopelessness began sleeping on my medications that got changed, gained a lot of weight, turned any friends or support systems away, and allowed the depression to rule my life. By isolating myself, which isn’t hard to do in a small town with the population of 200, I had no CONNECTIONS. No one to confide in, no one to help me, no one for me to think about instead of wallowing in self pity, and then by not touching my computer, I got rid of my social media connections. I stopped keeping up with blog hops I admired. I stopped trying to write everyday, and no words seemed to come to mind. I logged on last month long enough to see I had over 10,000 unread emails in my gmail account, and I deleted about 50 and logged off.
I grew up in the 80’s, land of the phones with cords, no caller i.d. , no cells, text, web cam, skype, twitter, facebook, and on and on with the ways people take for granted now. I lived with my grandparents who adored me, but we had 3 channels and Saturday morning cartoons. I have often, and still do, think that with CONNECTIONS at the touch of a finger, children and adults become lazy. We deprive ourselves of face to face contact. Things that should be discussed in private are suddenly posted on Facebook. Cyberbullying is a huge problem and getting worse. As if being a teenager isn’t hard enough. Even grown ups, myself included, say things they wouldn’t say in front of people. ***Then there is the good part of social media. More writers receive an audience, fan base, and if self published, they do well. Online courses. I have met people on Facebook that I probably won’t see in daily life, but I find myself truly caring about their lives, their children, ect. My blogs have attracted other bloggers. I’m proud to say I know several people in the Blog World who are now published.
What did I learn??? Contact, in person, online, is a natural human longing. Human beings are for the most part social creatures. I need to find a balance so that my online connections don’t harm my face to face connections. Or the other way around. I learned I can shut myself off from people, but months later, all I have done is waste my time, and the things I needed to be doing, still needed doing, and there it was. I can’t blame being bipolar on me trying to hide. I think we all have breaking points. I also believe we sometimes have to be broken, to realize we’re strong enough to heal. I believe that people shouldn’t be surrounded by loved ones, nor strangers, and feel alone. I think more communication, common compassion, and trying to lend a hand to connect instead of losing our empathy is the only way to live peacefully and fully. As harsh as the world can get, isn’t it better to have CONNECTIONS just to block all the bad from others and pass on generations of caring.
Mark Twain had a quote; “Man is the cruelest animal.” I have found this to be true over my 38 years. I would love to see my children grow up in a generation were Man is Kind to other ManKind and to all the animals, nature, and show common respect for all the beauty in the world.