TTofT on Memorial Weekend

~all gave some, some gave all. some stood true for the red, white and blue and some had to fall. so if you ever think of me, think of all your liberty, and recall, some gave all~

~all gave some, some gave all. some stood true for the red, white and blue and some had to fall. so if you ever think of me, think of all your liberty, and recall, some gave all~

1.  I am grateful to everyone who has served, still serves, and plans to serve in a branch of America’s military.  They risk their lives when they don’t have too, and even if no one agrees with everything on the political side, we in America should all be thankful for our soldiers! 

2. I am thankful that my best friend and I have spoken for the first time since October.  We are related through marriages, and for all intent and purposes, she is my sister.  We both mess up, get mad, but I have missed her horrible, and blood may be thick, but she chooses me as family, the same as I do her.

3. I am very sad that I planned on doing things with my girls this weekend, but their father had planned a beach trip and so I compromised when I truly wanted to be difficult.  I am thankful they are okay, get to spend time with him, his mother, their aunt and cousin.  I am thankful for them both.

4.   I am 38 yrs old, and frankly, I have always been in what I consider long term relationships.  The one I had to end had ran for 9 yrs.  But back and forth for 15 yrs.  I absolutely was not in a healthy relationship.  My girls no longer felt safe.  People can be judgemental but not all women stay because they are weak, scared, or believe they deserve to be treated with disrespect.  I was trying to keep my girls happy while I was miserable.  I had to get out of it and it’s not been easy.  His family’s involvement, moving my life out of his house, and it felt like such a waste of half my life.  But then I realized I am thankful I finally told my girls, I stayed with him 2 yrs longer than I should have, trying to keep them from hurting.  But I needed them to know a man does not treat a woman that way, so lead by example. I’m thankful I made the decision.  

5.   This is in reference to # 4 –  I decided I had to get out of the mess I was in, stop trying to hide behind my bipolar disorder to avoid life, and make a change positive for my girls.  Along the way a friend was by my side.   Actually, he tried being there, but I was worried over the problems it would cause.  As this man made me laugh, after walking in and seeing me crying over my now ex, and as he showed me compassion, understanding, and how someone should treat me, I realized this man was more to me than a friend.  He became my best friend, but I wanted more.  He give me time.  And then hearing him say he loved me, I am so thankful I found love again, because I was jaded and done.  

6.  I am thankful for the people in my life that have still stuck around.

7.  I am thankful that I have been inspired to show both my blogs attention.  Depression and writer’s block took their toll.

8.   I am thankful for everyday that I get a chance to become stronger. 

9.   I’m thankful to all of you wonderful people who take the time to read this and comment.  It means a lot.

10.   I am thankful that I can sometimes remember to reflect on the good instead of all the bad and it turns out, my blessings outweigh the negative.  

Shout out to Lizzi and her TTOT.  You show strength by being thankful and keeping up with your blog.  I admire your strength through the hard times and hope for you to have happy roads ahead.  

Ten Things of Thankful


21 responses

  1. Oh, Donetta, you’ve made some tough decisions, but they sound like they were good ones and that you are coming to terms with them. I’m so glad you are back in tough with you best friend.

    1. Thank you so much

  2. So glad that you could end with your #10. There really is benefit in finding good in the midst of trials.

  3. I’m glad you and your best friend have reconciled. We all need our best friends.

  4. Welcome back on so many fronts! To the TToT and to a life you deserve. Way to parent! Its not easy to end something but so important to model that for your girls! Brave!

    1. thank you. Parenting is one tough but rewarding job.

  5. WB DS!*

    (welcome back, donetta s)

    1. thank you so much! I’m glad to be back!

  6. Ahh yes – the stay in a relationship longer than you should have – I’ve done that. I spent 20 years of my late teens, most of my 20s, and part of my 30s trying to make a relationship work with a man who just simply didn’t care enough to do the same. We were on and off quite a bit during those years, but I just wouldn’t give up. Looking back on it now, I realize that I was seldom happy back then. All I was do was struggling. When it finally ended completely, I kept thinking “what a waste” – I’d spent all that time and effort and ended up with nothing. A few years later, I met a new man. And things went right like they never had before. We’re married now … and I’m truly happy. I still think back on my old relationship – on those 20 years, but I no longer think of them as a waste. I learned a lot from that relationship and it’s helped me form and better appreciate true love. Sounds like you’re now traveling down the same road. I’m so glad! Enjoy and be happy. 🙂

    1. Thank you so much for sharing that. I will be 39 in November, and had loved this one man since 2000. I knew it was time to end it, but my two daughters’ had been with him 9 yrs, and their biological father has never been in the picture much. I worried about them being so hurt. A very wise person told me, I had been depressed.. Tuned out last summer, my favorite season. She said if I left and found my own happiness, the girls would be happy too. Turns out she was right. I’m so glad you found the right one, and I have learned a lot about how I want to be treated, how I even can work on me, and I just decided if the girls were upset for a while, that was better than them growing up to think women have to be put down and I want them strong, confident and happy. I believe even though I did not want to be starting over at 38 yrs old, i guess it lead me to the right person. Good luck.

  7. You did a very difficult thing by ending that long relationship. Showing your girls that you deserve better treatment in a relationship is a strong parent modeling. I wish you continued success in finding yourself and what is right for you and your girls.

    1. Thank you very much. It was hard to let go. My grandparents raised me, was together til death they parted, and so I’m a tad old fashioned about not giving up on love, sticking it out, and all that. But the last year, my girls never seen him home, heard from rumors he was cheating and so it’s been a lot. and Thank you for your kind words. Parenting is the hardest job ever. Most rewarding also.

  8. There comes a time in some relationships where you realize it’s better to be alone than with someone who makes you unhappy. For me it took a couple of years after being dumped to really appreciate how much better off I am without him.

    I’m glad you’ve found someone now who makes you feel like more instead of less.

    1. Thank you so much for your kind words. I’m not sure what it is, because regardless of the race, wealth, ect., statistics show that too many women believed they deserved the beatings or disrespect. But those psychology book answers; “well, I had done this,” “well when you’re told so long you’re dumb and nobody wants you, you believe it,”…. some may apply to others. For me, I was raised in a very loving home, and I didn’t believe I deserved anything but respect. It was the time, the person he was to whom he became, the girls, money, and being scared to start over. I finally could not stand to face my girls who are at the age to absorb everything, and let them believe that either that’s how relationships work, or that their mother lacked enough self respect to leave. How could I ask them to show me respect if I couldn’t respect myself. It has been a long struggle since February, but worth it everyday because I grow happier, more self assured, and very glad I decided this when I did. The support on this post has been awesome. Thank you.

  9. Donetta that’s a gorgeous list to come back with, and I think I’m most pleased to read that you and your friend – your sister – are back in touch, because with those important people, it’s SO painful to be at odds. I’m also really pleased to read about your determination to be a positive role model to your girls and show them what kind of a relationship you, or any human, is worth – a good and nurturing one.

    Thank you for the beautiful shout-out, too. That’s lovely of you, and I really appreciate it 🙂

    1. Thank you. It does help when you have support of people you love. I will never understand how people can love each other so much, then end on such an awful note. Yet, I’m just as guilty. You are most welcomed for the shout out because to keep being thankful, when it’s extremely hard, is admirable. You inspire a lot of people, including myself!!! I think that’s a wonderful achievement.

      1. I think it must be, and it certainly seems to be something more lauded by others than understood by myself but I’m happy to be part of it.

        The support of people you love is VITAL. And I wonder about that too – how people can end so badly, but…we ended with apathy and that’s mostly a reflection of our marriage, too…it was all very bland for the most part *sigh*

      2. I hope as you move forward, everything brightens up. I believe that somewhere growing up, people forget how to communicate with respect to others, and communication is great at the touch of a finger, but I also believe there should be time to put the technology down and reconnect face to face. Ah, but I grew up in the era of phones with cords, and 3 channels on the television. lol.

      3. A very pertinent message, this. Thank you 🙂

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