Singing Soul

 

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Art by Vincent Giarrano

 

She turns up the volume

to avoid voices in her head.

Memories of small-town life,

rocking on her daddy’s knee,

are enough to tear her apart.

Strumming her guitar, singing

that comes from deep within.

It’s the only time she feels

human, forgiven, and content.

 

This was written for Photo Challenge # 257 at MindLoveMisery’s Menagerie

 

 

 

TTofT ~ Fake It Til You Make It

It seems hard at times to find the “thankful” when I feel more like saying, “No thanks!!!” to life.   As they always tell people in N.A. groups, even if you used, come to the meetings and practice sobriety, a “fake it til you make it” type of mantra.  So, I’ll apply that here today.

1.   Sunshine – This has been a rainy, cloudy, and lower temp type of week.  Today had the ‘blah’ stamp of approval.  Finally, the sun began to shine about 15 minutes ago.  I believe it’s proven in scientific facts, but I know for myself, the sunshine can change my moods, and the gloomy days take a toll on my bipolar mind.  So, I’m thankful to see the sun out.

2.   Good Books – Thankful that I have some good books that I don’t mind re-reading on a cloudy day.  Although I will be even more thankful when I get a chance to grab a new one.  I’m leaning toward “Gone Girl” as my next read. 

3.    Experiences – As I was reading Lizzi’s blog on Considerings, she reminded me that my 10th grade year of high school, our science teacher took 6 chosen students that had went above and beyond in his class, rock climbing in North Carolina on Stone Mountain.  600 ft. of climbing and it was scary, wonderful, and I am going to have to scan the photos the next chance I get.  I’m glad I have gotten many chances to expand my experiences, and looking forward to more. 

4.   Music –  It is true, that as well as the sun, music can uplift someone, remind them of past, can make them feel sad, loved, happy, lonely, and if it’s good music, you will feel as if the song was written and recorded just for you.  This reminds me of my recent trip to Pigeon Forge.  I was able to record on my phone two live bands during our stay and they were fabulous.  I wish I had thought to get their names and perhaps purchase a c.d.  Sidenote to self to look online and see if I round up anything. 

5.   Necessities –  I suppose I do tend to look at the more negative side of things and I don’t remember if I’ve always done so, or if throughout life, I began to do so without realizing it.  I think the latter applies because I don’t recall being anything but happy throughout my childhood, until my grandfather had a stroke when I was 16 and in the middle of my junior year in high school.  Then it seems when recovering from one death, another seems to come along, I began looking at life more harder and feeling more bitter.  So, I want to take a moment and be thankful that my children and myself have what we need.  What we need and what we want can get confusing and run together in my mind.  Once I begin to separate what I need and what I think I need, and then what I want, I realize we have food, shelter, clothes, water, electricity, and the bills get paid, even if a struggle at times.  Then we have things we don’t necessarily need but make the days go by faster, for them t.v., for me the internet and radio, for my youngest her bike.  The small family I do have are caring and loving and so life isn’t so gloom after all.

6.  Pilates –  I am trying to lose weight at the moment.  This hasn’t been a problem for me until recently.  Willpower to stick to an exercise program is where I struggle most.  I still enjoy my evening walks with my god-daughter, my girls, and my two great god-sons.  But when the weather isn’t permitting, and I know I need to add a little bit more, I finally found a Pilate challenge for 30 days.  I haven’t gotten bored and they seem to be doing what they are intended to do.  I’ll admit I have slacked for the past week.  Also, I found the challenge bookmarked because it was to begin 30 days before Memorial Day and I bookmark things like this and forget about them.  Then in my useless attempt to organize things, I stumble across outdated challenges, outdated submissions for literary mags that I mean to submit a poem to, and other such things.  With this though, I figured that better now than never. 

7   My children – This is actually my children and my close loved ones.  Recently, things have happened that are unfair in my opinion.  Living in a small town and with everyone being so close, it has it’s ups.  The downs can really get a person down though.  I will just say that as a mother, I have made mistakes, but overall my girls are well- balanced, know they are loved, exceed in school, and feel free to talk to me about life’s little ups and downs.  We get tested all through life – tested for a driver’s license, tested throughout school, tested for employment, tested on our beliefs, but there are no study guides and then an exam when having children.  We all know how we were raised, we even believe before having children that we will be different or the same as our parents.  This doesn’t happen.  Sure, there are millions of books and articles to read about parenting.  I can’t think of one person who remembers these books when situations in life occur.  I even took Child Care in high school.  Overall, I know there are times I deserve an F and times I deserve an A+.  Thankfully, children are forgiving and resilient creatures.

8.  Blogs – Not only have I found wonderful people throughout the Blogging World, and amazing prompts, such as this one, but I’m thankful I have a place I can turn to and reflect on things I’m thankful for, things I don’t realize until typing, and a place I can keep all my poetry and little random things that make me happy.  I like Facebook, don’t check Twitter as much as I should, and definitely need to post more in my blogs, but just the same, my blogs are my favorite by far on the internet life. 

9.  Sleep – I am grateful for sleep because of insomnia.  I’m also grateful sometimes when life seems to get me down, I can sleep and wake up refreshed and feeling like I can handle anything life throws my way. 

10.  Laughter – Laughter is healthy, healing, and the best laughter sometimes happens when I’m alone and watch a movie that makes me laugh. Or a book I’m reading has a witty sentence that makes me laugh along with the characters.  Memories of silly things that bring a smile to my face.  I think that’s the best laughter of all.  Thankfully, I made it through this week, and am finished with my post for Ten Things of Thankful.  YaY.

 

 

 

 

 

”Ten

6 Good Times

Mama's Losin' It

This summer hasn’t been as eventful as last year.  It seems as though last year, everything was happening back to back with my oldest going to 4-H camp for the first time, then a family reunion, a month of them being in N.C. with their father, a vacation in Pigeon Forge.  With everything going on though, the days seemed to spread out. This summer has went by a bit faster for me with not much of anything eventful happening that was huge. Still I can think of 6 favorites so far. 

1.  My oldest daughter’s graduation from 5th grade kicked off the beginning of this summer.  That moment was a favorite of mine, because of being proud of her, her father and I actually took a photo with our two children without any scratches or marks, and she looked gorgeous.

2.  My god-daughter and her 1 1/2 year old son spent a week and 1/2 with me.  It was fun having a baby that small around, while also knowing, that precious boy would be going home with his mommy.

3.  Seeing an old friend I hadn’t seen for awhile and actually just hanging at the mall.  Even having photos taken in the photo booth so he could take half and I take the other half.

4.  My girls had once again went their father directly after school ended to participate in his wedding in N.C.  Their return safely, 6 hours back to me, in Virginia was definitely a highlight.  A month is too long.

5.  Taking my two girls to the Monster Truck show for the 4th of July and watching the gorgeous fireworks afterwards with them.  I actually took a lot of great shots from that event also.  I am addicted to photos.

6.  My oldest celebrated her 11th birthday at my cousins house.  To just relax, cookout, enjoy cake, and getting her things she wanted was great.  I also, as every birthday, bought my 7 year old some cool stuff.  I can’t have a birthday for one and not at least get the other some type of gift.

There is my 6 so far.  We are going to the fair tomorrow night and that is always a fun thing for me.  To eat funnel cakes and then feel a tad nauseated from the rides and all the sounds.   What’s not to love.  Vacation is next month.  I enjoy everyday in the summer honestly, though it has rained in my area an abnormal amount this year.  Link up to Mama Kat and pick a prompt.  

 

 

Olivia at her father's wedding in N.C.
Olivia at her father’s wedding in N.C.
4th of July

 

Madison and I at the Monster Truck Show
Madison and I at the Monster Truck Show

 

The Prompts:

1.) Book review! What are you reading this summer?
2.) That one time you went camping.
3.) Capture a conversation you had with someone that made you laugh.
4.) List your top 6 favorite summer moments so far.
5.) Write a post inspired by the word: Coffee

 

Follow Friday Four Fill In 119

PhotobucketThis week’s statements:
1. I don’t like ___
2. I have a difficult time using ____
3. I love ____ movies because ____
4. I prefer to read ____because ___

1.  I don’t like dishonesty.

2.  I have a difficult time using a schedule.

3.  I love suspense/thriller movies because there is always the anticipation of what’s next!

4.  I prefer to read memoirs because I find it intriguing how someone can write their life stories with such excitement for the reader and with such great detail of memories. 

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